Becoming more Essentialist
I’m a recovering ‘yes’ addict.
FOMO has often been that unwelcome person by my side.
Yet last night I did something different, something that felt slightly uncomfortable and totally unlike me. I said no. I said no to a really fun, exciting night I would have loved.
It was made easier by the fact I will have had a big week of work before the planned night and that I’ve committed to something the next day. But for me, this showed progress. Saying yes would have meant a crazy week. One I’ve had a history of priding myself on - a jam packed work and social calendar bursting at the seams.
This to me was embracing Essentialism. Moving away from being Wonder Woman and starting to embrace some of the key principles to help me simplify what I do to help reduce stress and improve my health.
Learning Essentialism (slowly!)
Last year when I read Essentialism by Greg McKeown, I was engrossed.
I was sat on a sun-lounger in Portugal, and every new page felt like life changing stuff for me. I was scribbling notes at a fast pace.
As you do when reading a self-development book (well like I do), I immediately implemented varying techniques with some success, however after a while the momentum slowed down.
Funnily enough it was was an over-committed busy week last week that reminded me to pick this book back up and write this post. I want to continue on my journey to become more Essentialist.
In the six months since I read the book, I have noticed changes in some areas and I have been practicing. Whereas in others I’ve acknowledged it will take me a little time to adjust. I have ingrained impulses and patterns, along with a natural tendency of being a ‘people pleaser’ that don’t always serve the Essentialist ideals.
I’ll also add that saying no to people that have been accustomed to me saying yes has also been challenging on a personal level.
Being packed with great content and concepts, I wanted to share some of the most powerful thinking and how I’m trying to integrate this into my life.
What is Essentialism?
As Greg subtitles the book - it’s ‘the disciplined pursuit of less’.
Essentially (get it!?), you are striving to become more conscious and discerning with all the choices and decisions you face in life.
Some are more obvious than others. We know if we get two invitations on a Friday night that by choosing one, we can’t do the other.
But other decisions are less obvious. We probably didn’t choose to spend 3 hours on social media last night.
Yes, that includes the the random stranger on Instagram and cute cat video.
“The modern world is one of distraction. It is one of vanity. Of false concepts of ‘success’. It is one in short that leads us astray from our true intentions” Henry Latham
My current Essentialism picks
Greg breaks the book down into clear sections and subheadings. This makes it super easy to recap but here is my favourite pick from each of the key categories and an exploration of what I’m learning and trying to live out.
Essence - The concept of trade-off. Letting go of straddling.
The area in the ‘Essence’ part of the book that had the most profound impact me was this notion of ‘trade-off’. Not because I didn’t know about it, just because I’ve been thinking about it a lot in recent years and being much more proactive in evaluating opportunity cost and the relative trades of different choices.
It’s something I’ve got better at in a few areas but also need to keep working on in others.
It’s so easy to say yes to things, without properly considering the trade-off. We say yes to that request for a coffee or a task that someone asks of us, without considering, is there something more powerful that the time could produce?
The worst consequences of this I see in business. Leaders, managers, owners or entrepreneurs make decisions without considering the alternatives. I believe if your manager or client is by default choosing a sub-par option, I feel it’s our responsibility to try and highlight the opportunity cost.
I sometimes felt like a broken record at work where I do this often. But it’s hard because people find it uncomfortable to face the fact that a definitive decision needs to be made and they could be wrong. So you don’t end up the most popular person.
Another example could be when being self-employed and someone saying that you should set up a Facebook group, but there is no consideration of the time and effort that’s involved. What if you put that time and effort into Instagram, or left all social media and put your time into local networking. It’s always worth asking yourself these types of questions before making strategic commitments.
And then there is straddling...
‘...straddling means keeping your existing strategy intact whilst simultaneously trying to adopt the strategy of something else.’
This I did loads when I was running Happy Sugar Habits. I avoided consciously having to say no to certain blog growing strategies and so I straddled them all. You name it, I did it - Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, webinars, guest posting, speaking. I didn't want to miss out on Pinterest, so I kept it going as a few hours a month distraction, even though in the end local speaking and high quality writing was my most powerful route to achieve impact.
Whilst I did make good strategic calls in some places, I spread myself thin in others, and I learnt some hugely valuable lessons in the process. The power of considering opportunity cost and making tough strategic decisions when they need to be made.
Explore - Our need to escape
When we are so busy fitting it all in - family, friends, work, hobbies, social media, reading etc - it’s often the case we don’t give ourselves time to think. In some ways this is emotional avoidance - we know it’s easier to keep occupied so we don’t have to face hard emotions or hard decisions.
So the book talks about giving yourself time to escape - purposefully. You create more space to think and focus on what is most important to you. So you can decide what conscious decisions you want to make and how to go about things.
That could look like:
Meditation
Journalling
Planning a reading week or thinking break (like Bill Gates does)
A walk or hike with no distractions e.g. podcasts, phoning people etc.
Making time to read in the morning
You can probably add many others of your own to that list.
Over the last few years I’ve been practicing meditation sporadically. So I’ll try to do it everyday but then on holiday I won’t do it for three weeks. At the moment, I probably average 4-5 times a week (I’m currently using Calm).
Recently I’ve been noticing something though. I know you’re not meant to ‘think’ too much but I am having some wonderful ideas and solutions to things that just come out of nowhere.
I have managed relatively frequently to walk with no distractions and it’s amazing. I came up with a name for one of my newly developing training courses and I worked through something that was bothering me. Last week even though I was super busy, I maintained my long walk for sanity and I think it’s what helped me survive the week.
In the book, ‘Explore’ also covers the topics of sleep and play - encouraging us to prioritise sleep and health along with joyful activity. For a long time, exercise, salads and regular dancing have been a non-negotiable in my life. What are yours or what will you make them?
Eliminate - Daring to say no more
As I mentioned earlier, I have had a bit of a history of being a people pleaser. This has lead me to more often say yes to something in person when I possibly should have said no straight off, and then cancel later down the line when I am overloaded and exhausted.
Lots of people do it because of social awkwardness and pressure, but it causes stress all around, so it’s something I’ve made a concerted effort to change.
Now I try to say no as the default upfront and then decide if I can commit after some consideration and based on lessons from before (e.g. having every night of the week booked out with social activity is a recipe for failure as I will need more space).
Since I’ve been implementing this, I am aware I have sometimes come across as non-committal as a result - especially compared to who I was before - but I’m trying to change an old pattern for the benefit of all. If I commit to something, I want to commit properly.
I’m working on it, but I wanted to share and encourage anyone similar to do the same.
Where are you buckling under social pressure and saying yes where you really don’t want to be?
Execute - Adding in time buffers to my life
You could say I’m an optimist. I’m the person that when there’s two minutes to get the train, I believe that the world is on my side and I will make it.
After many successful train and bus dashes in my life, this belief has quite embedded itself.
On the one hand it means I don't stress at small things, I just trust that things will work out OK and assume the best case scenario.
It makes for an amusing way to wind up my complete opposite of a boyfriend who can’t understand how I survived life without him!
But on the other hand, it means I pack things a bit tight. Like a back to back schedule. A belief that I can go to for a run, put makeup on and blow dry my hair ready to be out the door in an hour.
I’m speedy, but not that speedy. Mascara often gets sacrificed. Wet hair drying on the way becomes my look.
When I read the ‘buffer’ section of Essentialist, I immediately realised where I had room for improvement - I needed to buffer up like the Michelin man. Lots of extra padding.
More space. More time in between things. A plan for if things go wrong.
So I allowed more time for things and made some trade-offs. I became more realistic with what I could pack into a morning routine. Into a weekend. I have attempted to get to places earlier and I’m over time consciously shifting my preference for having a buffer.
This can apply to general life, to work, to everything. Where can you build more of a buffer so your life executes with less stress and drama?
A closing note
I started writing this article wanting to cover all the sections in the book but soon realised that was over-ambitious and I should just boil it down with more depth in a few. So because there is so much gold in this book, I would strongly recommend it as a read and a re-read six months later.
I have to give my thanks to Greg and this book. Making space in my life has allowed me to:
Engage creatively with writing again
Find work and a team I really like (thanks to a load of journalling, reading and reflection)
Close out an old project and put my energies into a new one
Impress my doubtful boyfriend at my new ability to be ready on time (still work in progress)
Reduce the number of HIIT workouts I perform in my work clothes running for trains
Say no to trying to be a person I’m not
I would love to hear from you if any of these points have struck a cord or you think you could do with some Essentialism love in your career, work or personal life?
Laura xx